ACT 2 - SCENE 1
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THE ORBIT OF URANUS
(Uranus is in a deep depression.)

Uranus

URANUS
(upper crusty dramatic) I am so lonely.

I know! I will make a list of all my friends.

(he rummages through a box producing a digital personal organizer and begins entering information)

Let me see... there is Ariel, my butler and Miranda, my maid and Umbriel, my gardener and Oberon, my chauffeur and Titania, my cook. I have five friends! That is a lot?! Hmmm...

If I am so popular, then why am I so lonely?

ARIEL
(formally British) Sir Uranus (hard 'a')...

URANUS
Yes, what is it Ariel. And it is Sir Uranus (soft 'a')

ARIEL
Yes, of course, Uraaaanus (soft 'a').

URANUS
That will do. Now get on with it.

ARIEL
Messengers from the Council to see you.

URANUS
Oh, them. Send them away. They are such bores.

ARIEL
They say it is very urgent, Sir.

URANUS
I care not! I do not want to see them. No! No, no, no!

ARIEL
Sir, I cannot remember the last time we have had visitors. There is no need for you to be a bore as well!

URANUS
Oh... uh, I see. Yes of course send them in, Ariel.

ARIEL
Very good, Sir.

(Ariel goes to fetch the guests, Uranus hides his `list of friends' and assumes a regal position.)

ARIEL
Hear ye all of the court, announcing; Andromeda and her little dog from the St. Pieces Orphanage...

ANNIE
It is a great honor to meet you sir! You can call me Annie and this my dog, Canis.

URANUS
Yes, of course.

ARIEL
Announcing; Virgo, wife to the recently deposed general.

URANUS
Oh, my deepest sympathy.

VIRGO
Thank you for your concern, but there is no need to cry for me. All through my wild days, my mad existance...

URANUS
Yes, yes I understand ...

VIRGO
Have I said too much?

(Virgo indignantly moves to stand next to Annie.)

ARIEL
Announcing Ursa; who is Ursa.

URANUS
Oh, my...

(Ursa strides in with dignity, her majestic bronze armored breast-plate gleams on her buxom form, her horned metal helmet sits proudly on her head, she places her fists on her hips and glares at Uranus who shifts uneasily.)

ARIEL
Hale their health and wisdom.

URANUS
Hale their health and wisdom. Now, what do you want?

ANNIE
Sir Uranus (hard 'a'), we are messengers of the Council and have come to enlist your aid in locating Luna who has recently disappeared. She and I are very close. We grew up together at the orphanage. I am very worried and I fear that foul play is possible so your urgent help is much needed.

URANUS
Well... Annie... I am not sure I can help... What is there in it for me? And it is Uranus (soft 'a').

URSA
What!?

(Annie calms Ursa.)

ANNIE
We could be friends,
And we could be pals,
We could walk down the street,
And sing the old tunes together out loud.

And we could
Ice cream together,
And talk about the weather,
And you could throw the stick with my dog.

And I know
That you might say,
It's best that you stay away,
But I think that we could be friends.

I know that I say tomato, (hard 'a'),

URANUS
And I say tomato, (soft 'a'),

ANNIE
And I say potato (hard 'a'),

URANUS
I say potato (soft 'a'),

ANNIE
But I don't think we have to call,
The whole thing off.

ANNIE
What do you say? Do you want to be friends?

URANUS
Well, frankly, no.

(Annie hangs her head, Virgo steps up.)

VIRGO
You may misunderstand,
I know It's easy to do,
But It's true we want to be friends,
Like a family we need you.

So, please reconsider and think of the joy,
Of lunch with the girls, a night out with the boys,
Maybe you're shy or embarrassed to say you need friends,
I think we could be friends.

I know that I say tomato (hard 'a'),

URANUS
And I say tomato (soft 'a'),

VIRGO
And I say potato (hard 'a'),

URANUS
I say potato (soft 'a'),

VIRGO
But I don't think we have to call,
The whole thing off.

VIRGO
How about it, big boy?

URANUS
I am sorry, Virgo, but it is really not my forte'.

(Virgo tilts up her chin, indignantly, Ursa moves forward.)

URSA
Enough,
Okay,
Sound the alarm,
To keep us from harm.

Tomato (hard 'a'),

URANUS
Tomato (soft 'a'),

URSA
Potato (hard 'a'),

URANUS
Potato (soft 'a'),

URSA
Ur-anus (hard 'a'),

URANUS
Uranus! (soft 'a'),

URSA
Now will you please help us?

URANUS
No!

URSA
Ur-anus (hard 'a'),

URANUS
Uranus! (soft 'a'),

URSA
Now will you please help us?

URANUS
No!

URSA
(coyly)Uranus (soft 'a'),

URANUS
Huh?

URSA
Now will you please help us?

URANUS
Well...

URSA
Uranus (soft 'a'),

URANUS
Now I see!

URSA
Uranus (soft 'a'),

URANUS
I can be free!

URSA
Uranus (soft 'a'),

URANUS
Friends we will be!

URANUS
(to Ursa) Never before have I encountered someone so... strong willed, voluptuous and... beautiful.

(She accepts his flirtations. Uranus arches his eyebrows and winks at Ursa.)

URANUS
I would be honored if you would accept me as your friend. (clapping his hands twice he calls loudly) Let the hunt begin!
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